When I take a moment to reflect

As I take a moment and break from the busy life that Brad and I are currently living, I can't believe it's mid-October and less than 1.5 weeks away from 26.2.  I don't know how that happened.   It feels like just yesterday that I was starting this training and was running short distances in the hot and humid summer heat.  Now I'm approaching race day just shy of 2 weeks away.  It's been an interesting experience not to run this past week. Since July, running has been my source of stress relief, time of reflection and rejuvenation and it's felt weird the last week to not run. All I want is to get out there and run to get the huge burst of energy that I do every time I think about doing this race!  I am missing my runner's high.

I started realizing that the majority of my latests posts have been negative - woe is me and "I can't believe I have this injury" yada yada.  I need to change the way I've been thinking and need some positive energy back.  At the gym this evening I started to change my perspective and started thinking about how far I have personally come in this training.  What is meant to be will be and I need to start thinking about this whole experience more holistically and positively - without solely focusing on the outcome (which I have been doing lately).  I want to do this race more than anything and I know I'm going to do it.  But when I start to get mopey about possibly running some of the race in pain, or not going as fast as I would have hoped, or not finishing the training as strong as I would have wanted, I need to keep everything in perspective.  

Running has given me so much confidence and has made me feel great about so many different aspects of my life.  I've never had a fall season when work is the busiest and Brad and I are both busy with social activities and graduate classes, that I haven't been completely stressed out.  This is the first fall where everything feels like it has just fallen into place and I'm able to get everything accomplished without the stress.  This is hard to believe, as running was a HUGE thing to fit into an already busy schedule.  Somehow, someway, running has made everything else manageable.  

I have so much gratitude for my wonderful husband...my coach.  He has truly been my source of strength and motivation.  When I've felt so discouraged the past few weeks about this injury and not being able to run, or when we ran 20 miles in the rain, or when I routinely put my alarm on sleep mode at least 3 times every long-run Sunday, it was him that pushed me.  Without his encouragement and his ass-kicking every once in a while, I definitely wouldn't have made it this far.  It has been such an incredible experience to take myself out of my comfort zone and to challenge myself to a new level all while having the guidance of someone who has been through this before.  He understands what it is like to run a first marathon, to deal with a running injury, to cross that finish line, and to experience all of the emotions and accomplishments that are part of being a marathoner.

As I reflected this evening on this entire experience and how I have lost that positive energy over the last week, I wanted to remind myself by writing in this blog that no matter what happens, this has been an unforgettable experience.  I am forever thankful to my coach, "Coach B" for getting me this far and for encouraging me to train for 26.2.

A quiet Sunday morning

Good morning.  I am currently at home, sitting on my couch with a cup of coffee and a scone while Brad is out running 10 miles. (feels like the 'ole days).  I can't remember the last time I wasn't up early on a Sunday and out running at this hour.  I decided not to join Brad on his run today.  I attempted a short run on Friday after work and made it to the end of my street until my knee felt just like it did last Sunday after the 20 miles.  Not a good sign.  I decided REST is the best thing I can do right now so I'm able to run 26.2 in 2 weeks.  So until the pain is 100% gone, no exercise for me.  I'll have to get used to this.

Right now rest, 2 weeks before the big day, doesn't seem right.  I hope it doesn't mess me up mentally.  I've been "to the training plan" type of person leading up to this injury.  I have to keep telling myself that if I was able to do 20 last week then hopefully 3 weeks later I'll still be able to do it (+6.2 more...).  I hate being injured.

I've learned:  I have to listen to my body.  I hate the fact that I'm sitting on the couch right now and when someone tells me I can't do something I just want to get out there and do it that much more. Every Sunday when I thought I would rather be home on the couch enjoying a morning of sleeping in and coffee, who knew that I'd rather be out there running.   Today I will miss the runner's high and the amazing feeling after a long run - the feeling that you can take on just about anything.

"The more I run, the more I love my body.

Not because it's perfect; far from it.

But because with every  mile it is proving to me
that I am capable of more than I ever thought possible."

Quadricep Tendonitis

Saw the sports medicine doc this morning and he diagnosed me with: Quadricep Tendonitis.

Some information he provided on this injury:

This is a very common injury for athletes, especially runners.   Quadricep tendonitis is inflammation of the quadriceps tendon.  The quadriceps tendon attaches the top of the kneecap (patella) to the quadriceps muscle in the front of the thigh.   Inflammation occurs anywhere along the course of the tendon, although the bottom of the kneecap is the most common place for inflammation (where all of my pain is located).  The pain is often worse just after waking in the morning or after sitting/inactivity for a prolonged period (yes, this is very true). 

The good news?  This isn't a serious injury.  It's mostly just a huge amount of inflammation in my  knee cap region and my knee basically saying "F&$ you" to me for running so much.

The doctor (being a marathoner himself) said he doesn't encourage marathon training plans that have you do several back-to-back long runs.  He said he prefers the "ping-pong method" which has you do a long run (16) then the following weekend a shorter run (7) then the next weekend another long run (18), then back down again and so on.  If I ever do another marathon, I will definitely try out this method instead as it seems like much less stress on your body (and your knees).

Does he think I have a chance at running the marathon in 3 weeks?  YES!!!! Wahoooooo!  Seriously, so relieved right now.  The x-rays came back fine.  Nothing major, just a common marathoner's injury.

Meanwhile, while trying to sit patiently in the waiting room anxiously awaiting the dr's diagnosis, I saw this posted hanging in the room:

The 7 stages of a Marathon (during the race):

1).  Ritual - I'm sure when I start the race it will feel just the same as starting just another long run (with a lot more excitement)
2).  Shock - Yes.  I'm sure I'll be shocked that the race is finally here after 16 long weeks of training.
3). Denial - "omigod, is this really happening?  How the F am I going to do 26 miles?"
4). Isolation - Leave me alone Brad!  I want to run alone! (yes, I've said this to him many a times on several on our long runs...)
5). Despair - Jesus there is no way I will be able to finish this....we're only at mile 17?! I can't do 9 more miles!
6).  Aftermath = I can't believe I finished.  Where's the beer!!!?!
7).  Reward - I will be so, so happy and proud.

Discouraged

Two days after our 20 miler and I'm feeling discouraged.  The knee pain is still here and hasn't gotten any better.  Today it even hurts to walk and I can barely make it down stairs.  The swelling is still there.  Tomorrow morning is my orthopedic appointment and I'm anxious to hear what he has to say.  Here's hoping 3 weeks is enough recovery time!

In the meantime, I'm staying focused and remembering one of my favorite quotes (that I have hanging on a bulletin board in my office).  It holds true for almost all aspects of my life, but certainly has meaning with this marathon training!

Running Injury = 2 words a marathoner never wants to hear.

Running injuries suck.  

Thankfully I am working from home today with my leg elevated, ice on my knee, and a bottle of Advil in arms reach.  As much as I really hate to admit this, it looks as though I have a running injury...

You can see a nice swollen and bulged knee to the right of the knee cap.

Right now I'm totally a mix of ecstatic and crushed.  Brad and I ran 20 miles yesterday....20 miles!!!!!  When I stop to actually think about finishing 20 miles, it's hard to fathom that I actually did this!  I put aside the pain yesterday, celebrated with a beer and some awesome food afterwards, napped with a smile on my face, and then spent the rest of the evening and this morning with a swollen knee and in a lot of pain.  This morning I can't bend my knee and and am walking with quite a limp.

6:30 in the morning...excited about running the longest run of training so far!!!

Following our 18-miler last Sunday I noticed my right knee felt a little aggravated so naturally  I did everything you're supposed to do when a new pain arises - ice, Advil, foam roller, cut back on running and cross training instead, and REST (okay, maybe I didn't do very much resting, but at least I tried...).  Long run Sunday yesterday came along and the knee pain seemed to have subsided, so I decided it was time to get out and do our longest mileage yet - 20!!! We got up the earliest we have ever gotten up to run and were hitting pavement by 6:45 (in the dark).  It was calling for rain so we wanted to start early.  About 2 miles in the rain started and didn't end until about mile 13.  It was a very, very chilly and wet run.  Around mile 4 I noticed a slight pinch in the knee but ultimately decided to ignore it.  Around mile 10 the pain started getting more noticeable but was dull enough to keep going.  By mile 16 I knew I should stop running but clearly my mind and my body were in an argument and ultimately my mind won.  I really wanted to finish the 20 miles.  Let's just say that by mile 19 I thought my knee cap was going to shatter.  As I crossed the imaginary finish line at mile 20, I was unable to walk.  Fortunately, there was a CVS nearby so the wonderful husband of mine quickly ran to get ice and a knee brace and from there I stumbled my way to the local Bethesda bar knowing that beer would at least alleviate some of the pain.

Husband to the rescue!

So today, I lay on my couch and feel so happy and accomplished about running 20 miles.  If it hadn't been for the right knee pain, mentally I think I could have finished and run the entire 26.2.  We took yesterday's long run on the easier side because of the pain and incorporated about five or six  3-minute walking breaks which definitely helped.  I couldn't believe how easy this run was compared to 18 - it literally flew by!  When I wasn't focused on the knee pain I was busy thinking about how what a difference one week makes in feeling more in shape.  I never thought I'd be able to say that a 20-miler wasn't exceptionally difficult.  Yes it was long, but it certainly wasn't my hardest run so far.

I head to an orthopedic dr. on Wednesday morning and until then I am praying that I haven't done anything detrimental enough to prevent me from doing this race.  I'd be totally crushed after months and months of training to not finish this over such a stupid injury (I say stupid because I dealt with months and months of back pain and got through it, and if it's not going to be back pain that is preventing me from doing this, then I REALLY won't be happy).  

Keeping focused on the positives....I finished 20 miles.  13 weeks ago when this training started I never thought I was capable of running that much.  Just another testament to why I love this training so much.  Whatever you put your mind to you are capable of accomplishing (unfortunately there may be a few major and minor bumps along the way).

Celebrating with lobster roll, fries, an amazing Stout and mac & cheese.

My body is not happy.

I didn't run last night and got yelled at by Coach B.  I mentally and physically couldn't make my body run, and I understand that it's "Monster Month" but I needed a night to rest.   I had champagne instead. 

I went to bed feeling guilty.  I know guilt shouldn't be what I'm feeling these days since I've accomplished so much already, but I still felt bad about missing a run.  So...I set my alarm for 5:30, crawled out of bed and ran to the gym in the dark and in the misty rain.  On the way there I chuckled inside and thought to myself, wow...this will never happen again once training is over.  I am not usually a motivated morning runner, and...I've never in my life run to the gym before the sun was up.  I ran 4 miles and felt like I was back on track.

My body however, is not on track.  As I ran on the treadmill it literally felt like knife was cutting into my knee cap.  Apparently this is a tight IT band related issue, which essentially is this (according to some Runner's World article):  The kneecap pain after running is felt literally inside the knee, making you want to rip off your kneecap to get to the pain, but you simply cant do that.  Yup.  That's exactly how it felt.

So, I'm in pain today -- pretty much all over.  My body is feeling the 18 miles that we completed on Sunday and another (what was supposed to be) easy run this morning.  I don't want to be "injured" for this race so from here on out over the next 3 weeks training will be focused on foam rolling the IT band, stretching, icing, and seeing a physical therapist for knee exercises.

Found this comic in the NYTimes and thought it couldn't be more true.  That's me in the hospital bed almost 2 weeks out from race day....

18 miles is legit.

I really can't believe I finished 18 miles on Sunday.  It took....a really, really long time.  My thoughts on 18 miles is that this is pretty legit....not only because 18 is a really far way to run, but the pain that my body is feeling is pretty legitimate too.  How was I feeling when we started 18 miles?  Nervous...I had a few butterflies...but then as we hit mile 4, I realized that mentally, I just wasn't into this long run.  I had a headache from drinking one too many beers the day before at FedEx Stadium for the Virginia Tech game (and probably only had 4 total the entire afternoon/evening!) but clearly was dehydrated and overall felt really tired since I had been fighting off a cold for 10 days.   Not a good way to start 18 miles.  Brad & I also ran on a course that was new to me - starting at Shady Grove metro in Gaithersburg, MD, running to Lake Needwood (basically right near where I grew up), and then taking the Rock Creek trail from there to home in Kensington, and then 6 miles past home.  Yozzers - this was going to be far.

Lake Needwood - where it all  began.

The start of the run was a little rocky as we decided to hike through the woods to get to the head of the trail at Lake Needwood.  I wasn't very thrilled with this idea of hiking up and down hills and going in and out of branches and trying not to twist my ankle to get to the trail.  Really Brad?? I kept thinking.  Basically, just did not want to run at this point.  Thought about throwing in the towel.  Wouldn't it be nice to be laying on my couch with a cup of coffee right now, instead of doing this?  Knew I needed to mentally change my negativity and turn it into positive energy or I'd never make it.  As soon as we hit the Rock Creek trail I was finally in my element and my bad mood changed (thank God).  About 5 miles in, Brad's knees started hurting as they have doing lately when he slows down and runs at my speed.  He picked up the pace and I was left to run by myself.  This is actually something I've discovered over the past few long runs - I actually prefer running solo than running with other people.  I've learned that during long runs I become very much an introvert - I don't think I prefer to talk and chat it up, but instead enjoy listening to my own body and thinking my own thoughts without having to worry about another person.  My ideal long run is knowing that Brad is ahead of me so I'm not running entirely alone, but running at my own speed and being in my own little running bubble.

We got to our house at mile 12 and I knew a blister the size of about a quarter was developing on my right heel as my favorite pink running shoes are officially shot.  If I stopped to walk or stretch, my heel would start throbbing so I decided to keep running.  The long run involved very little walking.  Brad decided to go back home to get the pup, so Myko ran the last 6 miles with us on the trail.  I knew mentally I couldn't go home with Brad to get the dog or else I would never leave the house to finish the last 6.  So, about those last 6........so mentally challenging.  From mile 16-18 I'm not even sure I was a human.  I kept running faster and faster because anytime I slowed down, every.single.inch.of.my.body.felt.absoltely.terrible.  That being said, my body surprisingly kept going and going, but mentally I still am not sure how I'll be able to prepare for 8 more on race day.  This training has been such a mental game.

Favorite running companions. 

But, I did it....I feel so proud of this accomplishment.  I feel like I already crossed the finish line.  We still have 2 more longs runs to go, so I can't get too ahead of myself yet - only 4 more weeks but at lot more running between now and then.

Regarding pain....I can hardly put any weight on my left foot.  This time the pain is on the outer back part (near the heel) part of my foot, so I must have been underpronating, which basically is when impact forces are concentrated on the outer part of the foot.  Ouch, it hurts just thinking about how painful it is right now.  My knee is also in pain.  I'm supposed to be running 5 again tonight after work, and think I'm going to pass on this run and let these aches and pains go away for another day.
And last but not least...here is me as I finally stopped running after 18 miles...4 hours later.

I did it!